Congratulations, you’ve done it!!  You have worked tirelessly to raise a child self-sufficient enough to live outside the safe haven you provided for 18 years and join their peers in the cesspool of dormitory life. While every parents’ journey to this point differs, only YOU know the road you personally traversed to arrive here, and it wasn’t always pretty. Parent, you deserve to be celebrated, but–and I think you know this already–you won’t be. Instead, as usual, you will be judged.

Raising kids is an unpredictable course for which no one is prepared. The only thing you can count on is that some other equally incompetent parent will judge your performance–usually to your disadvantage. Criticized, judged, chastised, rebuked. On the rare occasion someone admires your work, you will dismiss their praise and judge them a fool. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Until now.

There is a place for you that has never existed in the real world. Here you will find a group of like-minded peers who know what it is to find themselves with no relevant experience or training, face down in the dirt again and again, while an arena full of spectators boos and hisses. They, like you, were too strict or too permissive, too involved or not involved enough, micromanaging or derelict, with standards too high or too low, too much or too little, too this or too that. If, for a second, the critics were satisfied, you second-guessed yourself.

These people know. They see you. They are YOUR people. They have always been there, but like you, have tried to blend in, ashamed of their inadequacies and excesses. The difference is that now you can find them, self-selected into your child’s college parent Facebook chat.

Whether you were dubbed a “Helicopter Parent”, hovering, ready to swoop in and rescue your child, or a “Drone Parent”, sending reconnaissance in the form of a spouse or online parental controls, whether you fed your kid too much junk food or you were too restrictive–you will appear moderate compared to these people. These are the people who put the capital ‘N’ in Neurotic. You delight in recounting their craziness to your child, making you, for the first time, seem relatively sane. You have not felt this good about yourself since you entered Labor & Delivery.

This legion of parents have their kid’s university portal password. They know who teaches their kid’s humanities class and who their freshman advisor is. They not only worry that their kid will fall out of a lofted bed, they have already prevented their demise by commandeering their child’s housing app and requesting bed rails on their behalf. Each and every instance of their neuroticism will feel like manna from Heaven raining down upon you, nourishing you after a long drought. You are no longer “too” much of anything–too “extra”. You’re middling, mediocre, not even in the top quartile among them. Not only does no one judge you for the 15 billable hours you’ve diverted into online searches for your child’s bedding, they will throw you a life preserver–a link to every single layer of bedding, including the shelf liner you so the mattress topper doesn’t slide around. They post questions that would embarrass the average parent, and make requests that are completely unreasonable by normative standards. You wait for the judgment from the chorus, but it doesn’t come. In fact, the “Helicopter Parents” swoop in and deliver–answers, information, advice, links, and even on-the-ground assistance.

The crazier the parents are, the more affection you feel for them. You want to kiss every single one of them on their furrowed brow and tell them, “You are not ‘too’ much for me. You are just right the way you are.”

You have found your people.

Ready or not

I’m doing this all wrong and I know it.  This blog is not ready to be a non-secret blog that people actually know exists.  Here are some reasons I should delay publicizing it:

  • I should have amassed a bunch of posts, ready to go, so there’s not a delay between posts.  I have amassed nothing.
  • I never got to the point of really understanding WordPress (i.e., understanding it at all), and there were such long periods of time between posts that I would forget everything I had learned. If my common core math calculations are correct, I actually may know less than nothing about WordPress now.
  • I shouldn’t have dead fish as my header image.  As my husband pointed out here, having a dead fish header is just plain weird.  I should have learned how to replace my header with a different image, but now I can’t even remember how I got that image there in the first place.
  • (Insert a bunch more valid reasons to delay here…)

Here’s why I’m doing this anyway:

  • Tomorrow is my birthday and, after half a century, I can’t think of a better time to take this step toward the edge of my comfort zone.


I’ll bite your fingernails too

I am going to a writer’s workshop and I feel like an impostor.  I once went to a lecture at a podiatry conference and it didn’t trouble me in the least that I was not a podiatrist.  I didn’t terrorize myself with thoughts like, “What if they ask me where I stand on custom versus over-the-counter orthotics?” or “How many plantar fascia releases have you done?”  And it should have troubled me because there are rules Continue reading

I am a nut job

It just hit me a minute ago how crazy this whole thing is.  I confided in a friend that I started a blog that I kept locked down and didn’t post to for almost a year, and then I unlocked it but didn’t tell anyone about it (and still didn’t post it to it). As I was telling her about my secret blog, I thought, “Who does this?!  This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

That said, considering I haven’t told anyone about this blog, I am not sure how anyone even stumbles upon it.  But apparently it’s possible, as evidenced by the fact that 5 people in South America have tripped over this website.  Or maybe it’s just 3 people, from 3 countries, and one guy fell in twice (did I get the math right?).  Anyway, to the guy from Brazil:  Drop in anytime!


I told my friend about this blog.  I think this is Step 1 in my 12-step recovery from being a closet non-blogging blogger.

To blog or not to blog, that is the question

I wrote this on January 9, 2015, before I signed up for this top-secret blog:

I really appreciate the feedback from people who have suggested I write a blog.  Here are some of my thoughts about it:

  • Often I get the suggestion that I write a blog after I’ve written something humorous. I do enjoy writing humor, but the thought that I must regularly be humorous in a blog would surely rob me of the little sense of humor I have left.  I just don’t think I could be funny on demand.  Also, I don’t always want to be Continue reading

I’m not getting in

I have the privacy settings on,  I haven’t told anyone about this site, and I haven’t used my name on this site.  So this is a totally safe way of putting something “out there”.  But not that far out there.  It’s just a toe, dipping in the river blog.  I can toetally do one little toe. Maybe.

I’m a little confused by the posting date of this, which seems to correlate only with when I Continue reading